The

""An Intelligent Organization For The Mindless"

Fazoolisms

  • Iplanted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
  • I had amnesia once -- or twice.
  • I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart.
  • Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
  • All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
  • I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
  • If the world was a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
  • What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
  • They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them.
  • Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up,

        he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.

  • Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
  • Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
  • What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  • One nice thing about egotists:  They don't talk about other people.
  • When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.
  • A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
  • What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?
  • My weight is perfect for my height --  which varies.
  • I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
  • The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
  • How can there be self-help "groups?"
  • Is there another word for synonym?
  • Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
  • The speed of time is one-second per second.
  • Is it possible to be totally partial?
  • What's another word for thesaurus?
  • Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
  • If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
  • Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man

        who can't get his pants off.

  • It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
  • Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
  • I'm lost. I've gone to look for myself, so if I get back before I return, please ask me to wait.


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